19 June 2012

A FedEx employee channels Lou Costello

Author Maureen Johnson needed to send a manuscript to Random House...
After filling in the forms and putting the object into a FedEx envelope, MAUREEN walks to counter and presents the object for processing.
FEDEX GUY spins package around, examines label, frowns.
FEDEX GUY: I can’t send this.
MAUREEN stares, waiting for further explanation. When none is forthcoming, she spins the package back around and looks at the label, because apparently she is going to have to figure out what it is that she didn’t put on it. Because it’s not just a delivery service-it’s a TEST OF WITS. Finding no blank spaces, she feels like a bit of a FedEx failure.
FEDEX: (very disapproving look) I can’t send this to a random house.
FEDEX: I can’t send this to a random house. You need an address.
Now MAUREEN gets it. She can barely believe this wonderful thing is happening, but she gets it.
MAUREEN: Oh! No, no. It’s a publisher.
FEDEX: Yeah, but I can’t send it.
FEDEX: I can’t send to a random house.
MAUREEN: No, I mean, it’s a business. It has an address.
MAUREEN points to the address on the label, under Random House, person to be delivered to, number, street, city, and zip code.
FEDEX: (in a “you need to listen to me now” tone) I can’t send to a random house.
MAUREEN: No, it’s called Random House. But it’s a publisher. A business. That’s its name.
FEDEX: I can’t …
MAUREEN taps furiously on address.
FEDEX GUY examines package for a minute.
FEDEX: You can’t send stuff like this.
MAUREEN: THAT’S ITS NAME. It is CALLED Random House, but it is not a random house. It is a business at that address.
FEDEX: But you can’t have random house in the “send to” line.
FEDEX GUY knows that he has said “you can’t send to a random house” about six times now and knows repeating it will not help. Looks at Maureen like she is very, very stupid...
The rest of the story (which she swears is true) is at her tumblr

Via Neatorama.


  1. we have a student worker at work who has a second job working for Guess (jeans). I love asking her where she works when it comes up in conversation...

  2. Years ago I worked in a gas station, and hard the damnedest time trying to keep a straight face when an individual came in and asked me where he could catch a bus to the airport. The thing was, was that while he was being completely serious (as was I), he spoke very much like Peter Sellers in the Pink Panther Series, and keep asking where he could catch the boos. I still laugh about it.


  3. After the third time of the FedEx guy telling me he couldn't send it to a "random house," I would be denting his skull with his stapler and telling him, "you'll send that damned package to WHERE I tell you, or I'll staple your lips to your ass!"

    I don't suffer fools.

    (Okay, so I'd be asking for a manager. But I'd still call the guy a f'ing moron.)

  4. It's more interesting to see the back-story. The place she was shipping to was very close, but she ships everything instead of delivering in person.

    Poor woman can't get a break!


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