"Things You Wouldn't Know If We Didn't Blog Intermittently."
"The Fatal Consequences of Masturbation." From Le Livre sans Titre (The book with no title), 2nd ed. (Paris, 1844)
"He stiffens in anticipation of coming death."An apt description, as the orgasm is sometimes known as la petite mort, or "the little death". The tie-in jokes for the words "stiffens" and "coming" write themselves, I think.
And not a word about him going blind or getting hairy palms!