11 January 2009

Extracts from letters to the council, Chesterfield (U.K.)

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

. . and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant…

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen…

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

(found here)

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